Things I Dream About…
Last night, I had a vivid dream.
I’m not much of a dreamer and when I do dream, I don’t remember any of it. But last night, I dreamt that I could do a deep squat on the ground and get back up effortlessly with no pain.
Allow me to explain.
I first injured my leg in 12th grade, when a fellow 12th grader rammed her scooter into mine after school. I took three tumbles across the span of the broad road to end up on the other side of the pavement. She was a terrible driver, apparently, as everyone who knew her told me after the accident. But the damage was done. My left knee had burst open, my left elbow injured, and I had a deep cut on the right corner of my lower lip. I was rushed to a nearby orthopedic clinic. Coincidentally he was one of Baroda’s most reputed surgeons. He fixed me up. My knee needed stitches; my arm and lip would heal in time, I was told. I took time to recover, but the moment I was okayed, I returned to riding my scooter. But this injury and the limp afterward led to a change in my gait and affected both my knees eventually.
Fast forward to 2008, when I discovered I had somehow caused a hairline fracture to the ball of my left foot. The remedy? Take anti-inflammatory painkillers and rest in bed with my foot up for 15 days. Sadly, I didn’t have 15 days to recover in bed, for shortly after, I moved to Columbus for the Ph.D. program at The Ohio State University. I hobbled for days until the injured healed itself, but the bone had set in the wrong way. My foot now pronated extensively to protect the ball, which later manifested as plantar fasciitis. Meanwhile, my right foot took the brunt of my body, leading my right knee to turn weaker and weaker with every passing year. Having constant pain in my legs also meant I wasn’t able to work out as efficiently or as frequently as I would have wanted, causing more weight gain over the years.
Last year, on a trip to Italy, I wanted to take a picture with our niece who was in her pram/stroller. Without thinking, I squatted to the ground while V took the picture and I got back up with no pain. I was thrilled, I thought I was healed until I remembered I had taken a prescription strength medication for my plantar fasciitis, aggravated from walking all day in Italy. That image, the feeling is imprinted on my mind: the ease with which I squatted to the ground, and the elegance with which I rose back up. It’s this feeling that I’ve wanted, perhaps so desperately that I’ve let it take residence in my subconscious.
These are the things nincompoops like Bill Maher fail to consider when talking about the pitfalls of body positivity. For, after waking up with this wonderful feeling, the first video I encountered on Facebook this morning was Maher's rant about fat people. Maher has been woefully out of touch, not only with the real-life problems faced by the current generation but also on account of his subject position. He’s a rich, white dude calling out everyone who doesn’t agree with his antiquated worldview. He needs to retire because his opinions lack nuance and any semblance of analytical inquiry. In today’s polarized world, being a centrist means being a right-wing apologist and that’s exactly what he is. Sitting on the fence pointing fingers at both ends is the perfect way to do nothing to change the world and still earn a bucketload of money.
But my rant aside, there are real issues facing people today and the least we can do is show kindness and understanding. So, the next time you feel tempted to judge the people around you, remember this, it could be a person who dreams of living a pain-free life, physical and emotional.
Kindness, that’s what we need more of in this world, and that is a world I do dream of with my eyes wide open.